Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize