woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
