I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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