Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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