So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
