Christians are straight up FREAKS
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
