FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
