she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
