There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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