how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
