I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
