call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
