maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize