Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
