So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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