Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
