dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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