I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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