I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
