i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
