i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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