I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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