You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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