wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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