dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
