Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
