Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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