I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
