Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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