But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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