We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
