Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
