I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
