I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize