you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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