sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
