true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
