idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize