just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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