You made me cry and you don't even care
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
