i may or may not be watching the land before time
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
