She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
