he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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