im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sorry about my life...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
