So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize