Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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