Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
