I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
