I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
