On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
