i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
