dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
