We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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