omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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