Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize