there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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