its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
