the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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