dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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