What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize