a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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