Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
