I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
