dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
