I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
