It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
