I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize