Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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