i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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