Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
