the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
