I wish I could teleport
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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