We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
