Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
