you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize