We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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