sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
