finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
