Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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