woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
