I cannot find my penis.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
