okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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