Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
