He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He? As in you personified your dick?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
