I want to make a zoo with you.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
