It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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