I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
