Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
