At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He did a backflip because drugs
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
