Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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