Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
