i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize