The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
