i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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