please come you make the beer taste better
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
