If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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