your room smells of hookers.
And success
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
