I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
