she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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