erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
