Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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