I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
