I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
