When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
